feeling special

just a note: everything in red is praise for this guy, which isn't how this post started out being written, it just kinda came out that way. amazing what gets put in your head at 2:30 am...

Why do i always feel like the other girl? it seems like every time i get into a relationship there is another girl who the guy either likes more or had known longer. take for example Walt. Walt is a friend i made over the summer who works inside the Petro. actually, it's the guy i was waiting for in my last post. ha ha ha. we have been getting really close over the past few months. telling each other just about everything. and i mean everything, even if it makes the other.....uncomfortable....heh heh....
well, a little background first. Walt has 2 kids one is just over a year old and the other just over 9 months. i don't know exactly, just what i hear from him. BTW each kid is with a different woman. the first one cheated on him when she was pregnant then after the baby was born, claimed that HE was hurting their child, which, if you knew Walt, that would seem ridiculous. He's so sweet, and caring, i couldn't see it, but now every time he wants to visit his daughter, it has to be supervised. which is crap. Also, the woman he had his son (the 9 month old), we have reason to believe she is cheating on him, he just hasn't caught her in a lie. so he is still with her, mainly out of obligation to his son. he's devoted to the kid, it's really cute. Even with all the crap she puts him through, he tries to mend things with her. he tries so hard. take for example the other day, he made a date with her after work(work ends at midnight) in town. she was supposed to find her own way there. well, he went, exhausted and rather hassled (partially my fault, but that's not the point), and she isn't there. he waits around a little. and she still doesn't show. so he goes home and sure enough, she's asleep in bed. it's horrible to be stood up by a person you live with. he said that if it was any other girl, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. but she frigging lives with the guy! holy cow. anyways,
so here i am listening to this, and realizing that I'm the other girl. We both have feelings for each other, we've told each other so. but can't be in a relationship because of his girlfriend. i can't believe I'm falling into that trap yet again. because, he's amazing. today, i was a little off because of something we talked about the day before, and i was hoping that it wouldn't come across like that, but finally, towards the end of our shift, he asks me if i was OK. i told him that everything was fine. so he asked me again. and again, i told him i was fine. we then stepped outside, he took me in his arms, gave me a wonderful hug, and he asked me again if i was OK. i just looked at him and thanked him for caring so much. no guy has really cared for me that much, just to pull me in his arms to comfort me, even though i protest and say everything is fine. sometimes, it will be something small like buying my pop for me even though we both get the same discounts and stuff, or willing to do something for me that he wouldn't do for my co-workers. other times, it's bigger things, like delving into religious conversations with me, which i walk away from feeling happier than normal, but not because i proved my point, most of the time, his point is clearly stated while mine is confusing. but our conversations are so......amazing. i just have no way to describe it.
He has become such a vital part of my work day and even my day to day life, that I'm glad that we have had the opportunity to work the same shift for so long. I'm surprised they haven't tried to break us up, neither one of us have been very productive when the other is around. lol.
He makes me feel special, like I'm his world, even though, he has so much other stuff going on. he makes me feel loved. which is a feeling i haven't felt in a long time. so, thank you Walter. For everything.