"if"

I wish there was something i could do to make it all just go away.
If i could hold you to stop the pain, i would.
If i could let you know, you're not alone, i would.
If i could keep you from making big mistakes, i would.
If i could save you from yourself, i would.
If i could show you that i love you, no matter what your mood, i would.
If i could find a way to make the past stop haunting us, i would.
If i could make you see that you are beautiful, i would.
If i could take you to a place where nothing mattered, i would.
If i could have this all turn into a good experience, i would.
If i could stop the world from being so pretentious, i would.
If i could try harder to show you that i care, i would.
If i could give you every thing you ever wanted, i would
If i could do all this, i hope you know, deep in your heart, that i would.
No matter what.

Writing assignment

we had to do a paper on non verbal communication and i just wrote this one, hopefully it's enjoyable!

There she was, standing across the room. He knew she was the one the moment he laid eyes on her. As he watched her dance and sway with the music, he noticed how rhythmically gifted she was. His buddy laid a hand on his shoulder and broke him free of his trance. Without saying a word, his buddy looked from him to the girl, raised his eyebrows and pointed questioningly. As soon as his buddy saw the look in his eye, he started nodding in approval- his way of saying “go for it”. He walked slowly toward her; not wanting to seem too forward. She looked up at him. He froze like a deer in headlights. The connected gaze between them made his face flush. She blushed also and looked away. He didn’t know if he should keep coming until he noticed her smiling through the wave of hair that acted as a shield between her and him. He noticed her friend suddenly look at him, still frozen in the middle of the room, and she smiled and nodded, seemingly in approval of him. The friend then gestured with her hand waving him to her. He continued his approach, now knowing that the girl of his dreams knew he was interested. As soon as he got nearby, her friend started to inch away, giving him room to be near his dream girl. She looked at him and while keeping in time with the music, smiled and nodded at him. A slower paced song came on at that moment, and he offered his hand to her in hopes that she would dance with him. She hesitated, looked around the room, and then accepted. They stood with as much space between them as possible at first. As the song went on and they kept dancing, she slowly inched toward him until they were dancing completely together, not a millimeter between them. Still, they hadn’t had a chance to say a word to each other, the music being far too loud for any human to carry on a conversation. But he could tell from the way she acted that she was interested in him. The song ended and they were still wrapped in each other’s arms. They kept their embrace through the next few songs and she nuzzled her head deeper into his chest. All too soon, there was a tap on his shoulder. He looked up and saw a huge bulk of a man, with a very angry look in his eye. The behemoth gestured with his thumb to himself, the guy, then outside. Confused, our hero looked from the girl to the incredible hulk. She looked at him with a sad, apologetic look in her eye then disappeared into the crowd that was being formed around them. He put his hands up in surrender and backed away from the giant. The giant then broke his angry gaze and smiled at the joke that clearly no one else got. He reached out to the man and grabbed him against his side, shaking with laughter, pulled his wallet out and pointed to a picture. The picture showed an older couple, probably in their forties, the large man, another male, and the girl. The man then released him and shoved him towards the girl. She took his hands, smiled, and then led him away from the party so they could finally talk.

updatish

for those of you who don't know, i have a boyfriend. yes i know, it's been ages since i've been with someone who would actually admit they are going out with me. But this guy is amazing. he has his issues, but there is so much more to him than that. His name is Anthony Slaight, he is a music major and makes me smile everytime i see him. he'sa little slow as far as understanding women, but he's young still. lol we've been dating for just over a month. it's been different with him than any other relationship i've ever been in.

Lonely, i get so lonely...lol

So here i am at school, constantly surrounded by people, and i see the same people every day. so why do i say i am lonely? because at church, i'm in a family ward, where there are a lot of kids. sitting in relief society i counted at least 4 that were with their moms. one of the moms is married to a guy in a few of my classes and they have a kid that is just a few weeks younger than my niece. apparently, since i moved, she has started saying my name. a feat i was trying to get her to do before i left. my mom assures me that it's because she misses me, and i believe it. i miss her too. i wasn't sure if i would get homesick when i moved this time, the last time i moved to somewhere strange and away from people, i got horribly homesick. there were even a few times up in spokane that i was homesick too. since i moved here 2 1/2 weeks ago, i didn't think i would get homesick, it's been nice. i've missed my friends like crazy, but not really "homesick" just "friendsick"(a word me and my house mates have made up to describe how we all feel.) so, despite having probably the funnest house on campus, having a really awesome "boyfriend" having some of the most fun in my life, i am home sick for my baby. and yes, that is what i've been calling her lately. i know she wasn't technically mine, but she is the only baby i know!

wow

isn't it amazing(weird, odd, strange) the way prayers are answered? i pleaded with Heavenly Father that someone from the area i lived in to reach out to me, i begged for anyone, it didn't matter to me who. i wanted an answer right then, expecting a phone call or a text at midnight. hey i know some people who are up that late.... so i was wanting an answer then but didn't get one. so i ended up staying up even later and torturing myself, thinking that there was no one. then one friend who is so anti religion sends me a text in the morning, just to see how i was doing. i don't think this friend realizes how much he helped me out. and i'm not sure i realize how much it helped me. i just can't believe how much God loves me, to send someone who doesn't even recognize His power, just to show that i am appreciated. and i know that this friend will never read this, but i still want to thank him so much. even if his motives for getting in touch with me were kinda selfish, it still made me feel loved and needed. just wanted to get it out there that i believe in the power of prayer and that God hears each and every one of us, no matter how pathetic or pleading the prayer is. i'm so thankful for the knowlege of the gospel that i have. without it i would be in a fairly sad place. anyways, i knew that if i didn't get that down right now, i would forget it. thanks for stopping by!

Monthly poster?

so apparently i only blog once a month lately. sorry bout that. but there isn't anything going on in my life. SERIOUSLY. nothing. well, that's a lie. Kim and Brian are now officially engaged. that's the only thing that has really happened in the past month. i know it's sad. oh in other news, I've been keeping this other blog for the more private stuff that i just want to get out in the open, but that's not the point here. the point is, in this other blog i've been putting down my feelings. i hadn't posted there in longer than i've posted here i think it was feb. but i put down my feelings for a certain individual that February day and then i was on there again today, and i realized that my feelings for that person hasn't changed. it's still, " i know i have to let him/her go, but i don't want to." so yeah, life for me pretty much hasn't changed. don't know what i'm doing this summer, might go back to school in the fall. i'll post again when i figure it out, going to check out the school this week. yup yup. i'm going to go back to doing the same thing i've been doing for the past 3 months. Job hunting and watching tv shows. fun times let me tell you

Quick update

so yeah, still no job, still no life.... same old same old


Comment: this is laced with sarcasm... i appologize if it's not translated into writing very well.
ok... i guess some things have changed in the last month... for starters, i went to Louisville, KY for my sister's wedding. fun stuff... pics are up on Facebook. so i was a little nervous about this cake, and i think i worried too much.. i had a stomach ache when we left-i assumed it was from not eating at all, and i had a stomach ache and a tooth ache when i got back. so much fun.... let me tell you! so to calm my tooth ache, i took pain killers, which seemed to have upset my stomach more, because a week later i was in the Tri-Cities, and i had to go to the clinic because my stomach was killing me. turns out i have a pre-ulceric condition. yeah, that's right, i'm in danger of having an ulcer. i don't know why, it's not like i'm stressed about ANYTHING!!! oh wait, no job, no direction in my life, yeah, that can be stressful then add doing a complete wedding cake from scratch, and lo and behold, STRESS!!! so now i'm taking some pills that i have to take 1/2 hour before breakfast. first off, i didn't eat breakfast before this. secondly, 1/2 hour BEFORE breakfast. that means i have to be awake 1/2 hour before i want to eat. i am so not a morning person.....this sucks. i have to do it for 30 days and here i am finishing week 2 and hating it.

in short, my eating habits have changed drastically. i feel like i'm constantly at the grocery store. the sad part is, i tend to only eat a few things- Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries (c) with milk for breakfast, and tuna fish sandwiches on cracked wheat bread for lunch and dinner. that's it. that's all i've been eating the past two weeks. nothing else sounds good since i have to stay away from spicy and well seasoned food. which is pretty much all i ate before....go figure. i have had some other things, but i always revert back to the tuna.

i think i'm stuck in a rut. i want some big change to happen though. i'm ready to break out of my rut. whether it's because of a man, or because of a job, i don't really care. i just need something to change.

well, i kept it fairly short. YAY ME!!!!