Really in the zone when I'm writing, I have no awareness of my surroundings. Nothing fazes me and no one can break me from my stride when I'm writing. My niece, bless her heart, crying her lungs out, I have no response. My brother walking across the house to calm her does nothing for me. I can only sit and type. Typing is a form of release for me. A very welcome release at that. I almost feel bad about not taking care of my niece, but, she's not my child. I ran into some people from middle school today. Talk about strange. Amazingly enough, only one person ended up talking to me out of that whole group. Oh well. It's still just strange seeing these people. I'm glad the direction my life has taken me. A part of me is happy that I got out of the sink trap called the tri-cities, but another part of me wishes I had stayed and kept in contact with some of these people. Not the ones I ran into today, but others. People who were my friends in high school, who I haven't heard from in ages.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
What about writing?
Friday, March 06, 2009
well, it's been a while
Surprise surprise, it's taken me forever to blog again. like an actual blog, not just a random thing here and there.
So towards the end of January, the company i was working for (IdleAire) decided to make some major cut backs. a lot of employees were let go company wide including me. i was devastated. but not because i lost my job and have no source of income, or insurance, or the fact that my entire life plan was derailed. it was because it meant the end of a few friendships that i had come to rely on since the summer. so tonight, sitting at my parents house (i'm just home for the weekend), i am going to talk about these friendships. i don't know what order they are going to go in, but the most important one will probably be last.
*Names have been changed for the sake of the individual*
ok, i just heard the cutest baby sigh when i went to get my power cord. I love my niece!
Ok first off, Amanda. no, i don't miss myself. she worked inside the petro. my friendship with her was interesting. at first i didn't like her because she was working really close with a guy i liked. Then as i got to know her, i found she was an awesome gal. a little later, i didn't like her, i found her kinda annoying. then i liked her again. go figure. when i found out she was being let go around the same time i got let go, i was really sad for her. i have ran into her a few times since then and she seems to be doing alright. which is awesome for her. still no job, but this way she can concentrate on her school work.
Next is Johnny. i don't really know what the state of our friendship was, it was probably more like we were associates. i did work with him. at first he was quiet and didn't talk to anyone, then as time went on, he warmed up. we got along like brother and sister. sometimes we hated each other, sometimes, we were really nice to each other. i even have the scar to prove it. we got into a plastic knife fight one night at work....it was harmless fun, but we ended up leaving our marks on each other. i don't really miss him a lot, but for some reason, i miss him complaining about me to my face. he did that a lot. but it helped me not to have a giant ego. lol.
Ok next is Subway man. i used to know his name i swear.... ok maybe i don't really know his name, i just know him as the subway guy. i would come into the petro for some reason or another, and he would be there. it didn't matter what time i came in, morning or night, he was there. and he always gave me a hard time. i think he only made my sandwich like 4 times. he was like a stalker in one way. always there. i miss being stalked at work by him, even though most of the time i found him annoying.
Lauren, oh Lauren, i miss you so much. Lauren is such a sweet gal. she started on the swing shift, then got moved to graves, then back to swing, then another schedule, which is between morning and graves. at first we weren't friends, because she was on graves so i never saw her, but it took me a while to warm up to her even after that. her and i didn't really start being friends until close to the end of my time with IdleAire. she was older than the rest of us, so she was able to give us all advice, but was still young enough to be cool. i could just vent to her for hours and hours given the chance. she's a really great listener.
I miss Mark! (mark/mike) he was the newest member of Petro that i liked as a person. when we first met, i couldn't remember his name. when i was at home telling my roommate about him, i would always call him mike. so that's how the whole mark/mike thing started. on one of his first few days at Petro, he asked me if i didn't like him. i was totally confused, because i barely knew him. so i asked him why i wouldn't like him and he said it was because he was smoking and i was helping one of my friends quit smoking. so he thought i didn't like him at all just because he smokes. i found that funny and laughed at him. the next day he couldn't remember my name (wow, we are a lot a like, i just realized) so he started asking me for hints and what not. so he decided to just call me Crazy Lady. i told him that as long as i wasn't Crazy Cat Lady, we would be fine. he's an awesome guy, with a lot of his life ahead of him. our schedules seemed to always cross, so we got to see each other a lot. he and i are so alike, so we had some really good conversations, and had fun making fun of each others latest issue. i wonder what happened to him....
Laura. she was my boss so not a lot of friendship there. but she always had a good story. she was a good boss and very understanding. she was hard on us when she needed to be, but because we got the job done, she was usually pretty easy on us. lots of fun stories. we even shared future business ideas. i talked to her when things were bugging me and she told me some great advice. she was there for me when i was having issues with my relationship with my best friend, and when i found out that my sister was getting married.(for some reason that hit me harder than a ton of bricks when i first found out) She was very understanding about my want to get out of the rut i was in so i have to thank her for letting me go. it has helped me out so much. which is kinda weird if you think about it.
Darren. i have never liked darren. we never really got along. i don't know why. but since losing my job, we have been having better times. we would joke around a bit, but nothing ever real. now whenever i go in there, we share a laugh and he seem genuinely interested in my well being. i guess i don't really miss darren, but yet, i wish that i was still working there to see where this friendship might have gone.
Jeff was and is, a very interesting man. he is the swing shift manager inside. we would joke around a lot about being in a relationship and i would pretend to be interested in him to get favors done. we did it mostly to bug the guy i liked. but i do miss him coming up and stealing hugs because i was the "pretty girl who comes in every day". he was and is a dirty old man, but can tend to be a real wise crack.
I miss Randy. he was a friend before he worked at petro, but i was able to actually talk to him when he started work. i haven't talked to him in a long time, but there are things i want to talk to him about. Randy is a really great guy and i love his wife. she is so cute i'm still friends with him, i just don't get to see him
Oh,now we are getting to some real friends here. why did Tom and i get along so well? we were complete opposites. totally and completely on every thing except politics surprisingly enough.
My niece is crying. i don't know if i should help her or not. she might be scared if i go in there right now. ah, my brother took care of it.
Back to Tom. we disagreed on everything, and liked it that way. for some reason i loved going to him for advice. my theory was, he was either totally right, or totally wrong. so i would listen to his advice with a grain of salt, then decide on my own if what he said was right or wrong. i turned to him for a lot of things and am so happy to still have his friendship (even if his intentions are wrong....lol) i guess i don't really miss him, i talk to him 2-3 times a week on messenger, but i felt he needed to be included in this list of awesome people i don't see every day anymore.
Last and certainly not least is Leonard. our first meeting was me getting some change and him saying "so this is when all the pretty girls work out there. on swing! " i of course blushed and said "of course. it's the busiest time of day, and... sex sells." i work at a truck stop one of a handful of girls around a bunch of guys who haven't seen females in at least 1o hours. of course i would use a line like that. my motto then was "sex sells but don't sell sex." a few days later i was on the phone at work when a car passes by and honks. i told my friend "great, now I'm getting random cars on the street honking at me!" turns out, it was him. i talked to him a few days later and found that out. we started flirting a lot. and i discovered he was really likable. Tom tried telling me that it was a bad idea to be interested in him, and i thought it was because pat wanted me to himself, but he told me that he has kids, and a fiancee. i didn't believe him. then one day, i was talking to him and a customer and found out that he did have kids. it wasn't a big deal to me. then i found out they were with two different girls. that scared me a little, but not too much. we had talked about relationships and how most of his had been bad, and i understood that. over a period of time, i found out that he did have a fiancee. i told him that was ok. it was still fun to just flirt. so we continued to flirt. then he had an issue with her, came out to my building and let it all out. he told me and Laura and we both agreed that she was cheating on him and felt bad for him because he is such a great guy. i think i've written about him before, and he is the guy that i admitted to liking before. so this conversation about his woman cheating on him, broke the touch barrier. before this, we hadn't even shaken hands, we were very careful about not touching. he needed a hug, so i gave him one. after that, it was our hands would brush when he handed me change, we would sit closer together at lunch, we would hug at the end of lunch, etc. then one day we were hugging and he leaned in, and i said no way. he was hurt until i told him that i would never kiss a smoker. it is so disgusting! but he smoked a lot. so then he was committed to cutting back. he cut back, and he got really excited when he went 3 whole days without a cigarette. anyways, he quit for a time, then started smoking again, usually when he thought i wouldn't see, or notice. i figured he was smoking, but didn't say anything until i caught him red handed. he is such an awesome guy, and I've written his praises before. when i lost my job, and when he found out he almost cried, but didn't because he was with his girl. i came in the day after he found out and we talked for a long time and he told me that he had asked Randy if it was possible to love two people. it was like a ton of bricks. he basically said that he loved me. i almost cried. it was hard to accept that i had found someone who genuinely likes me, and i lose it to some stupid bimbo who has his claws in him because she had his son. grr.... so i miss him the most. i miss him just about every day. on the days that i go in and see him, it helps but it just hurts a little bit more, because i don't get the same level of fraternization as i used to. so it's like an addictive substance. i get a little taste, and want more, but can't have it. then i go through withdrawals throughout the rest of the week and go back for just another small taste. i went in tonight, not expecting him to be there, but he was. i didn't really have time to talk to him, but i cried about halfway to Ritzville because i wasn't prepared to feel the way i did. I MISS LENNY!!!!!
OK i just wanted to put down in writing what I've been feeling. there are many other people that i miss, but its 1:30 am, and i'm tired now. i started this at 11:30. mainly, i wanted to get down the start of my friendship with Lenny.
So towards the end of January, the company i was working for (IdleAire) decided to make some major cut backs. a lot of employees were let go company wide including me. i was devastated. but not because i lost my job and have no source of income, or insurance, or the fact that my entire life plan was derailed. it was because it meant the end of a few friendships that i had come to rely on since the summer. so tonight, sitting at my parents house (i'm just home for the weekend), i am going to talk about these friendships. i don't know what order they are going to go in, but the most important one will probably be last.
*Names have been changed for the sake of the individual*
ok, i just heard the cutest baby sigh when i went to get my power cord. I love my niece!
Ok first off, Amanda. no, i don't miss myself. she worked inside the petro. my friendship with her was interesting. at first i didn't like her because she was working really close with a guy i liked. Then as i got to know her, i found she was an awesome gal. a little later, i didn't like her, i found her kinda annoying. then i liked her again. go figure. when i found out she was being let go around the same time i got let go, i was really sad for her. i have ran into her a few times since then and she seems to be doing alright. which is awesome for her. still no job, but this way she can concentrate on her school work.
Next is Johnny. i don't really know what the state of our friendship was, it was probably more like we were associates. i did work with him. at first he was quiet and didn't talk to anyone, then as time went on, he warmed up. we got along like brother and sister. sometimes we hated each other, sometimes, we were really nice to each other. i even have the scar to prove it. we got into a plastic knife fight one night at work....it was harmless fun, but we ended up leaving our marks on each other. i don't really miss him a lot, but for some reason, i miss him complaining about me to my face. he did that a lot. but it helped me not to have a giant ego. lol.
Ok next is Subway man. i used to know his name i swear.... ok maybe i don't really know his name, i just know him as the subway guy. i would come into the petro for some reason or another, and he would be there. it didn't matter what time i came in, morning or night, he was there. and he always gave me a hard time. i think he only made my sandwich like 4 times. he was like a stalker in one way. always there. i miss being stalked at work by him, even though most of the time i found him annoying.
Lauren, oh Lauren, i miss you so much. Lauren is such a sweet gal. she started on the swing shift, then got moved to graves, then back to swing, then another schedule, which is between morning and graves. at first we weren't friends, because she was on graves so i never saw her, but it took me a while to warm up to her even after that. her and i didn't really start being friends until close to the end of my time with IdleAire. she was older than the rest of us, so she was able to give us all advice, but was still young enough to be cool. i could just vent to her for hours and hours given the chance. she's a really great listener.
I miss Mark! (mark/mike) he was the newest member of Petro that i liked as a person. when we first met, i couldn't remember his name. when i was at home telling my roommate about him, i would always call him mike. so that's how the whole mark/mike thing started. on one of his first few days at Petro, he asked me if i didn't like him. i was totally confused, because i barely knew him. so i asked him why i wouldn't like him and he said it was because he was smoking and i was helping one of my friends quit smoking. so he thought i didn't like him at all just because he smokes. i found that funny and laughed at him. the next day he couldn't remember my name (wow, we are a lot a like, i just realized) so he started asking me for hints and what not. so he decided to just call me Crazy Lady. i told him that as long as i wasn't Crazy Cat Lady, we would be fine. he's an awesome guy, with a lot of his life ahead of him. our schedules seemed to always cross, so we got to see each other a lot. he and i are so alike, so we had some really good conversations, and had fun making fun of each others latest issue. i wonder what happened to him....
Laura. she was my boss so not a lot of friendship there. but she always had a good story. she was a good boss and very understanding. she was hard on us when she needed to be, but because we got the job done, she was usually pretty easy on us. lots of fun stories. we even shared future business ideas. i talked to her when things were bugging me and she told me some great advice. she was there for me when i was having issues with my relationship with my best friend, and when i found out that my sister was getting married.(for some reason that hit me harder than a ton of bricks when i first found out) She was very understanding about my want to get out of the rut i was in so i have to thank her for letting me go. it has helped me out so much. which is kinda weird if you think about it.
Darren. i have never liked darren. we never really got along. i don't know why. but since losing my job, we have been having better times. we would joke around a bit, but nothing ever real. now whenever i go in there, we share a laugh and he seem genuinely interested in my well being. i guess i don't really miss darren, but yet, i wish that i was still working there to see where this friendship might have gone.
Jeff was and is, a very interesting man. he is the swing shift manager inside. we would joke around a lot about being in a relationship and i would pretend to be interested in him to get favors done. we did it mostly to bug the guy i liked. but i do miss him coming up and stealing hugs because i was the "pretty girl who comes in every day". he was and is a dirty old man, but can tend to be a real wise crack.
I miss Randy. he was a friend before he worked at petro, but i was able to actually talk to him when he started work. i haven't talked to him in a long time, but there are things i want to talk to him about. Randy is a really great guy and i love his wife. she is so cute i'm still friends with him, i just don't get to see him
Oh,now we are getting to some real friends here. why did Tom and i get along so well? we were complete opposites. totally and completely on every thing except politics surprisingly enough.
My niece is crying. i don't know if i should help her or not. she might be scared if i go in there right now. ah, my brother took care of it.
Back to Tom. we disagreed on everything, and liked it that way. for some reason i loved going to him for advice. my theory was, he was either totally right, or totally wrong. so i would listen to his advice with a grain of salt, then decide on my own if what he said was right or wrong. i turned to him for a lot of things and am so happy to still have his friendship (even if his intentions are wrong....lol) i guess i don't really miss him, i talk to him 2-3 times a week on messenger, but i felt he needed to be included in this list of awesome people i don't see every day anymore.
Last and certainly not least is Leonard. our first meeting was me getting some change and him saying "so this is when all the pretty girls work out there. on swing! " i of course blushed and said "of course. it's the busiest time of day, and... sex sells." i work at a truck stop one of a handful of girls around a bunch of guys who haven't seen females in at least 1o hours. of course i would use a line like that. my motto then was "sex sells but don't sell sex." a few days later i was on the phone at work when a car passes by and honks. i told my friend "great, now I'm getting random cars on the street honking at me!" turns out, it was him. i talked to him a few days later and found that out. we started flirting a lot. and i discovered he was really likable. Tom tried telling me that it was a bad idea to be interested in him, and i thought it was because pat wanted me to himself, but he told me that he has kids, and a fiancee. i didn't believe him. then one day, i was talking to him and a customer and found out that he did have kids. it wasn't a big deal to me. then i found out they were with two different girls. that scared me a little, but not too much. we had talked about relationships and how most of his had been bad, and i understood that. over a period of time, i found out that he did have a fiancee. i told him that was ok. it was still fun to just flirt. so we continued to flirt. then he had an issue with her, came out to my building and let it all out. he told me and Laura and we both agreed that she was cheating on him and felt bad for him because he is such a great guy. i think i've written about him before, and he is the guy that i admitted to liking before. so this conversation about his woman cheating on him, broke the touch barrier. before this, we hadn't even shaken hands, we were very careful about not touching. he needed a hug, so i gave him one. after that, it was our hands would brush when he handed me change, we would sit closer together at lunch, we would hug at the end of lunch, etc. then one day we were hugging and he leaned in, and i said no way. he was hurt until i told him that i would never kiss a smoker. it is so disgusting! but he smoked a lot. so then he was committed to cutting back. he cut back, and he got really excited when he went 3 whole days without a cigarette. anyways, he quit for a time, then started smoking again, usually when he thought i wouldn't see, or notice. i figured he was smoking, but didn't say anything until i caught him red handed. he is such an awesome guy, and I've written his praises before. when i lost my job, and when he found out he almost cried, but didn't because he was with his girl. i came in the day after he found out and we talked for a long time and he told me that he had asked Randy if it was possible to love two people. it was like a ton of bricks. he basically said that he loved me. i almost cried. it was hard to accept that i had found someone who genuinely likes me, and i lose it to some stupid bimbo who has his claws in him because she had his son. grr.... so i miss him the most. i miss him just about every day. on the days that i go in and see him, it helps but it just hurts a little bit more, because i don't get the same level of fraternization as i used to. so it's like an addictive substance. i get a little taste, and want more, but can't have it. then i go through withdrawals throughout the rest of the week and go back for just another small taste. i went in tonight, not expecting him to be there, but he was. i didn't really have time to talk to him, but i cried about halfway to Ritzville because i wasn't prepared to feel the way i did. I MISS LENNY!!!!!
OK i just wanted to put down in writing what I've been feeling. there are many other people that i miss, but its 1:30 am, and i'm tired now. i started this at 11:30. mainly, i wanted to get down the start of my friendship with Lenny.
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